Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·PinnedMember-onlyNow Advertising For The Position Of: Travel WriterI think I would make an excellent travel writer. This is how I imagine the job: 1) The magazine strikes a deal to publicise a 5-star hotel in the Caribbean. 2) I am mobilised, tasked with flying out there, enjoying 3–5 days of everything the hotel has to offer, before…Humor10 min readHumor10 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·PinnedMember-onlyThe Man Across The RoadMy wife was at the window again. “Oh my god,” she said. I was lying on the sofa, which itself lay across one side of our cramped living room, watching one perma-tanned floozy tell another perma-tanned floozy in no uncertain terms that she was trash and that she’d always be…Life11 min readLife11 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·4 days agoMember-onlyThe End Of Childhood And The Death Of Fun?Recently, and by ‘recently’ I mean in the last few years, I have gotten more in touch with the work of A.A. Milne, popularly known as the writer of Winnie the Pooh. As a grown man, I am not one for tears even in the worst of circumstances. But perhaps…Childhood6 min readChildhood6 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 19Member-onlyManaging Social Awkwardness And A Long Obsession With Baked GoodsThe trouble is, I get bored easily. And when I’m sitting in a room with a bunch of other people who are all silently working, there is a part of me that wants to scream. What are you doing? And YOU! And YOU! And YOU?! What are any of us…Poem6 min readPoem6 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 17Member-onlyHow I Long To Live In MaryleboneLadies and gents, here’s another one from the archives, a little poem about falling in love with a stranger in London. Once upon an evening humble perchance did I drunkenly stumble from a tube into Westminster. I doffed my top hat to a passing gent then realised I was both hatless…Poem3 min readPoem3 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 16Member-onlyWhat Is The Most Depressing Day Of The Year?“So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.” Peter…Depression5 min readDepression5 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 13Member-onlyThe Return Of The Trout TicklerI have located part two of this incredibly disturbing story. If you missed part one, here it is: Confessions Of A Trout Tickler Enjoy. I have counted the days from inside my cell My time in gen pop has been a personal hell I was sent down for abusing a trout But my…Trout Tickling3 min readTrout Tickling3 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 12Member-onlyConfessions Of A Trout TicklerHello, friends. Today I found some of my old stuff in an archive folder. A lot of it hasn’t seen the light of day for about 10 years. I looked upon this modest body of work trying to remember having written it. A lot of it is about as good…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in The Manic Depressive’s Handbook·Jan 11Member-onlyA Plunge Back Into SobrietyA Wine Time Wednesday Update — I am not relishing this entry. For those keeping track (I understand this is nobody, but I’m pretending that I have thousands of people keeping track of my movements, like a proper internet celebrity), I failed in my last quest to buy a bottle of wine that would have required…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Jan 6Member-onlyThe Three Qualities In Women That Men Choose For Long-Term Relationships (And Why So Many Of Them Fail)Women. Can’t live with ’em…Can’t kill ’em — Tom Arnold, True Lies, 1994. 1. A Mother I’ve had a few relationships in my time, which is surprising for any number of reasons. More than one is a miracle. As a terminally anxious introvert, the opposite sex represents pretty much everything else in the…Sex9 min readSex9 min read
